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The Only Way To Improve Our Nation

Posted by awall621 on April 17, 2013

As a patriotic law abiding citizen, I have noticed that America is indeed the greatest country in the world. However, even the best government in the world has it’s flaws. I’ve noticed a few in my years of observation, such as invasion of privacy, abuse of power, crooked officials, unfair distribution of wealth, war crimes against the majority of the world, health care problems and, last but definitely not least the topic I wanted to address today, overpopulation. In other parts of the world, such as China, they have established laws that limit how many children each family can have. I for one don’t support this tactic in America, because the damn liberals would propose for abortion (AKA MURDER) to help keep the limit. I however propose a solution that will kill two birds with one stone; we should eliminate the homeless. It may sound a bit extreme and unethical at first, but trust me, by the end of this entry you will surely be at my side.

 

First off, while it is a little known fact, homeless men are the number one cause of pollution in America. When one is not able to properly bathe themselves for an extended period of time, they involuntarily produce a large amount of carbon monoxide vapors, and we all know how clean homeless people are. It’s been reported that if all homeless people in the nation were to suddenly disappear, the ozone layer would be able to heal itself within a matter of two weeks. [Source: The Onion] On a second note their disappearance would significantly improve the fashion in the country, as the rags they wear really lower our score on the J-14’s Most Stylish Countries entry of 2012 (we were ranked number three?!?!?!). I don’t know about you, but anyone who doesn’t see this as a state of emergency needs to get their priorities straight and realize that we are, indeed, deserving of the first spot.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

In this current state of a fashion disaster, we need to eliminate the homeless. Don’t worry, I’m not implying genocide or killing any of these people, but we do need them out of America. Since they have no jobs or any place to live, they’re probably bored and/or doing whatever drugs they can get their hands on, so I propose we send them to the moon. There’s been constant complaints about how crowded the country is, so why not send the people that are taking up space into space?! They could be the first people to start a colony on the moon, and if successful we would be able to expand our country into territory that no one has claimed. And if this is successful, once the moon colony becomes overpopulated with homeless people, we could send them off to colonize on the sun.

 

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He looks excited!

The operation may be costly, and we may lose some men in the process, but I believe in the end this is the greatest choice for our nation. All we need to do is get that liberal anti-Christ Obama to give more funds to NASA, and our dream of a perfect nation can come true.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Fashion Advice: Which Hats To Wear To Bed During Every Season

Posted by awall621 on February 25, 2013

A most common debate among American youth today, your bedtime headwear has an influence on everything. It determines what your day will be like, what style your hair will be in and essentially who you are. However, after a quick google search I found that there were no guildelines into which hats were and weren’t acceptable, causing an array of citizens to choose the absolute worst hats to sleep.

This hat is most unacceptable as nightwear

Lucky for you, being a certified hatologist, I have created a list for the perfect hats to wear during your slumber.

WINTER

During the winter time it can be hard to decide on what hat to wear; you want your head to be warm, but do you really want to wake up with some insane hat hair? It can be hard to find a cap that provides warmth and keeps your hair stylish, so after extensive research in thermodynamics and cosmotology I have found the perfect hat:

The Bullhorn Viking Winterwear, priced at only $400 an hour, provides both warmth and maintains a solid hairdo. In a controlled scientific experiment, 9 out of 10 participants were satisfied with the hair they had awoken to, with the only discontent participant being bald.

SPRING

Spring can be a difficult time to decide on which fashion to wear, as the temperature is smack dab in the middle of comfortably warm and subzero temperatures. However, I’m sure everyone will be pleased with the following model, The Flower Ribbon Springhat.

Priced at a mere $12 plus $83 in shipping and handling, this hat provides a solid temperature for cranial protection and utilizes the pink flower by keeping monsters and nightmares a like far far away.

SUMMER

This next summer model, discounted from $492 to a mere $30 (plus shipping and handling), doubles as both nightwear AND a casual house hat. All your friends and family members will be jealous when your head is both protected AND able to breath through the Summertime Wizard Strawcap.

What a model

AUTUMN

One of the most difficult times to decide on what to wear, Autumn is the time in between mildly cold temperatures and the beginning of a freezing winter. However, this next hat will surely get you through all of your sleepwear needs. Introducing, the Autumn Witch Hat.

This hat has the duality of both reminding everyone that the holiday season is around the corner, AND that you’re probably the most styling cat in town. Priced at a mere $5.19 at your local library, this will surely be the hat to end all hats (during the autumn season at least).

As a word of advice to all readers, even if you do not purchase the hats I have recommended, please find some suitable nighttime headwear at once. Everyone knows that an unprotected head during sleep is susceptible to hypothermia, Crohns disease and random falling objects.

STAY SAFE KIDS!

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

You Can Be Whatever You Want To Be

Posted by awall621 on December 13, 2012

It’s a well known fact that before one reaches adulthood, their dreams are shattered and die. But for me, that’s not the case. If someone wants to become a musician, well than gosh darn it work hard and never give up! If you truly want to be something, work your butt off and you’ll achieve it. That’s why I decided to become a robot.

It was a quiet day at work when a customer approached me and I was forced to take their order. As I was taking their order I noticed as I pressed the screen, it emitted a small little “beep”. I was enticed by this beeping noise, it was just so calming. I wanted to hear this sound on repeat forever, so I unintentionally blurted out a loud “BEEP!” The woman, mid-sentence, gave me a weird look before I gave her yet another “BEEP!” It felt so good, so real, I just couldn’t let it go. The woman was slightly worried about me before the manager came up behind me, apologized and took me to the back of the store. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” he exclaimed, “stop scaring the customers and get back to work!” I stared him dead in the eyes and said with the most confidence I had ever emitted, “robots do not require currency to function, BEEP!” I then stormed out with a flawless robot walk and traveled homeward to recharge.

The next day at school was surely a toughie; I had discovered who I truly was, but nobody else knew that I was now a highly advanced piece of technology. My friend walked up to me and said “hey how are you feeling today?” It was common sense that robots do not feel, so I gave the only logical response: “ERROR!” I then stormed off to my math class, which was a breeze due to my newly found built in calculator, but AP English was something different.

For our assignment of the day, we were suppose to read three poems and give an analysis of each one. When called upon, I summarized the events of each poem, and was told I was flat out wrong. I was ridiculed by my classmates and told everything that I miss, like how the author’s blue blanket represented the nation’s economic status. “But teacher, this blanket is blue and has nothing to do with the economy, this makes no logical sense. YOU MUST BE MALFUNCTIONING.” My teacher was dumbfounded by my response and asked if there was a new medication I was taking. Once I told him I discovered I was a robot, the entire class laughed at me and our teacher told me “stop being ridiculous, you are definitely not a robot.” I stood up in a flashing rage and screamed out “MY PROGRAMMING SAYS OTHERWISE YOU INFERIOR LIFE FORM, NOW I MUST RECHARGE BEFORE I OVERHEAT!” I stormed out of this obsolete classroom, again performing an ace robot walk.

So the moral of the story here is that, even though I was mocked and told I could not become a robot, I became one. My therapist has told me to suppress the robotic tendencies I have in public, because most people are not compatible with my programming, but when I am alone, I beep myself to sleep every night. Even if people tell you that you can’t become a musician, actor or a firetruck, and even if they laugh at you and say you’re an idiot, you CAN do it! You just have to be persistent and do what you love doing.

BEEP

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Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Marijuana: The Devil’s Weed

Posted by awall621 on November 12, 2012

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When I logged onto Facebook once the elections were over, I noticed only one thing: the stoners were rejoicing over Amendment 64. Everyone was talking about how happy they were for it passing, but do these guys not know how much of an epidemic this can be? Not only does smoking marijuana deteriorate your lungs to a black crisp and lead to harder drugs, it can also give you brain cancer. [Source: Wikipedia]

But that’s not all! Marijuana not only has effects on the person using but the environment around them. If marijuana became legalized, everyone would become lazy and stupid! No one would ever have the motivation to get an education or go to work, and our society would just became a bunch of stupid, lazy potheads. Plus the rate of auto accidents would sky rocket, with everyone getting stoned before they go out for a drive. And let’s not forget about the cartels; just because they can’t sell weed doesn’t mean they’re going to vanish. They’ll start bringing in heroin and cocaine, and at a very low quality, completely ruining the quality of our youths.

Personally, I hope that the federal police intervene with these “legal” states as soon as possible. The medical marijuana scheme was a complete joke from the beginning, it was just a bunch of junkies trying to get legally high by faking joint pains and headaches. Thankfully they started cracking down on them harder in California, so hopefully we’ll get this whole “legal” status overturned shortly.

Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments »

The Importance Of NASA; Are The Budget Cuts Just?

Posted by awall621 on October 3, 2012

Whether we’re trying to travel somewhere distant, find other forms of life or simply trying to figure out what’s out there, space exploration is an extremely important topic. Our country’s space program, NASA, keeps receiving intense budget cuts for more important topics. However, people seem to look past the positive outcomes of giving a higher budget to space research.

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One of the greatest results of space exploration, in my opinion, is discovering more of the universe. Since it’s ever expanding, there’s always more to be discovered, and with the edge of the (observable) universe being billions of light years away there’s always more research to be done and more to be explored. And while the debate of living on other planets is more feasible in the future, there’s no reason we couldn’t plan ahead now. It’s been said that our planet could only host about 3 billion people, while the current population is nearly 7 billion. Plenty of places on Earth are over packed and cramped with people already, and with as many people as there are we’re surely using our natural resources much faster than we should be.

And who’s to say that other planets don’t have useful resources we could use for energy sources? Or with a few scientific adjustments that another planet is uninhabitable? No one knows the answer because there’s not enough money in the budget to find out; to some the idea of finding something worth while on another planet seems far fetched, but how do we know if the farthest we’ve reached is Mars?

Not only is NASA useful in the exploration of the universe, but it’s also been helpful in our own planet. They’ve done lots of research on the environment from space, including things like air quality, climate and other natural resources. Hell, they even taught us how to grow our own energy. And, of course, giving NASA a larger budget helps stimulate the economy in various ways, from the research done by scientists hired to the production of materials needed.

So, do you guys agree that NASA’s budget is in need of a boost, or do you think our money should be focused on other aspects?

 

Posted in Science and Technology, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

The Beauty That Is Mario Kart

Posted by awall621 on May 22, 2012

I know what many of you are thinking, “Mario Kart?! Who the fuck writes about Mario Kart?!” Well I’ll tell you who does: me. I was drawing a blank while thinking of a topic to come up with, so then I thought why not write about one of the best video game series ever?

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I’m really not one to play an excessive amount of video games. Of course if I’m bored with nothing to do I’ll pop in a game for an hour, but I’m past the day where I go out of my way to grab a controller. But if someone tells me we’re playing Mario Kart, I stampede to the game.

I feel like at one point in their life, everyone has played (or at least watched) this game. It’s easily my go to game when I have people over, because who doesn’t like Mario Kart? It’s fairly simple: race around a desired track, use items to beat your opponents, and hope you don’t lose and throw your controller in rage. No one can really deny the joy in that.

The best part is there isn’t just one or two Mario Karts, there’s one for a majority of the Nintendo systems. You could play it on the go at school or on your big screen with three other people. In the end it doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re playing some god damn Mario Kart!

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments »

Rick Perry: The Most Intelligent Man Alive

Posted by awall621 on February 15, 2012

James Richard “Rick” Perry seems to be recieving a lot of hate these days, but I just can’t understand why! All of his points are valid; gays can serve in the army, but WE, the Christian population, can’t celebrate Christmas OR pray in school?! Until seeing this video I’d been torn, lost upon which to choose; praying in school or becoming a Satanic hell raiser. Thankfully Rick was able to give me a push in the right direction.

Despite dropping out of the race, I still believe he was the one who was meant to be president. After all, Rick Perry believes global warming is only a myth; and to be fair, where’s the proof?! All of his policies are flawless, including a proposal that nearly every girl in Texas would be required to take a Gardasil vaccine. This was not passed by the state however, but even with these “proposed safety issues” regarding the vaccine, we would have had many more lives saved.

Looking past miniscule points, such as nearly doubling the state debt and having what has been called one of the worst education systems in the nation, he does hold the record for using the most vetoes of any governor in the state (which is 82). Rick Perry has also proven he is insanely good at speechs, delivering each sentence and rebuttle with flawlessness and fluent rhythm.

Rick Perry may have already dropped out of the race, but he has stated that he wants to run again. Rick Perry 2016? Sounds like the right choice to me.

Posted in Politics | 21 Comments »

Some Good Background Music

Posted by awall621 on November 9, 2011

A lot of people enjoy listening to music to help them focus or concentrate on their work. And for a lot of those people, they listen to Coldplay. Personally, any song with lyrics distracts me, but that’s why God made instrumentals. On my computer I’ve created a playlist of over 500 instrumentals to jam out to, but I’ll give you guys a small portion of what I have.

MF DOOM, he’s easily one of my favorite producers. He started off with a group called KMD in the early 90′s, but their career was pretty much done when they tried to release their album in 1993 with this as the cover. It’s an amazing album, but I can see how at the time the record company was hesitant on releasing it. Eventually he released the critically acclaimed Madvillainy under the group Madvillain.

J Dilla, who died in 2006 from cardiac arrest, is one of the top hip-hop producers worldwide, often ranking highly on top producer lists. Some of the artists he worked with were Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Common, Busta Rhymes, A Tribe Called Quest, The Pharcyde, and Erykah Badu.

Dan the Automator isn’t too widely well known, but he’s easily one of my favorites. He worked with Del tha Funkee Homosapien and produced one of my favorite albums, Dr. Octagonycologyst.

And last but not least, El-P. Not only is he a great producer, he’s an amazing rapper as well. He started the group Company Flow and created amazing beats for them, then he went on to have a very successful career as an underground rapper.

Hopefully I’ve exposed someone to a track they like, and they’ll be able to use these to help them focus on schoolwork and drown out noise. If not, well… I’ve wasted my time.

Posted in Music | 3 Comments »

The Classic Debate: The Laws of Cannabis

Posted by awall621 on September 29, 2011

For years this has been one of the biggest debate by millions: Should marijuana be legalized? Of course, it hasn’t always been illegal; in fact, it was legally required for hemp to be grown for all farmers from 1631, when the colonies were formed, to around the early 1800′s. The plant was still grown and legal, but it was regulated for around 100 years and sold mainly in pharmacies.

However, it was around the early 20th century when laws started regulating the plant even more harshly, and started outright banning it from selling. The first state to make possession a misdemeanor was, ironically, California in 1907 under the poison act. Other states, slowly but surely, started to follow this law as well, but it wasn’t until the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937 when **** got real. While it wasn’t this taxing that made it illegal, it was one of the big steps in it. Anyone producing commercial cannabis was required to buy a stamp worth $1 (about $15 today), but anyone that broke this procedure spent two to ten years in jail and paid a fine of $2000 (about $30,000 today). The first man to break this law, on the day it passed, was Samuel Caldwell, who had not purchased a stamp yet. And to be fair, they hadn’t been made yet. He was put in jail for four years without parole… for the possession of two joints. Judge Foster Symes told Caldwell, “”I consider marijuana the worst of all narcotics, far worse than the use of morphine or cocaine. Under its influence men become beasts. Marijuana destroys life itself. I have no sympathy with those who sell this weed. The government is going to enforce this new law to the letter.”

I have never seen or heard of someone becoming a beast, but at the time marijuana propaganda was rampant. One of the most widely known and often referenced examples was everyone’s favorite propaganda movie, Reefer Madness. Any of these things happening now seem ridiculous, but back then that’s what the majority believed to be true. There was a small medical cannabis farm at the University of Mississippi, which treated about a dozen people in the United States, but this was discontinued by George W. Bush in 1992. Even with comments from the Drug Enforcement Agency claiming “in its natural form, [cannabis] is one of the safest therapeutically active substances known,” the general consensus stayed the same for quite sometime. It wasn’t until around the time states such as California and Oregon began experimenting with medicinal marijuana in 1996, legalizing it under state laws, but maintaining it’s federal illegality.

Medical cannabis has been proven to helps a multitude of problems, such as glaucoma, anxiety, epilepsy and pain (generic and from complications of other diseases). Many people have deemed it one of the safest drug, no one in the history of mankind has ever overdosed from it, it’s not physically addictive, it’s helped millions of people medicinally, and it’s still illegal. Forgetting about the fact that it’s not very harmful, let’s look at other drugs that are legal. Alcohol, for one, is a depressant. It depresses the Central Nervous System by “mimicking either the brain’s natural sedating chemicals or thwarting the brain’s natural ability to produce stimulating chemicals.” It’s a known fact that alcohol can kill your liver, but it can also cause seven different types of cancer: mouth cancer, pharyngeal cancer, oesophageal cancer, laryngeal cancer, breast cancer, bowel cancer and liver cancer. It’s also been linked to causing dementia and heart problems, plus the addictiveness has put plenty of people in rehabilitation such as AA. And prescription pills? Drugs such as Xanax and other opiates are extremely addictive, plenty of people become addicted to them each year. And I won’t even get started on tobacco.

So when all this is legal, why should marijuana still be illegal? Sixteen states in the U.S. have implemented a medicinal marijuana program, but people are still getting arrested daily on a federal level. It’s placed under the schedule I classification, right along with LSD, ecstasy and heroin. Under schedule II, the less illegal drugs, are morphine, cocaine, opium, speed, and everyone’s favorite, meth.

Of course, marijuana isn’t the perfect drug. While many of the long term effects are still being researched, smoking anything is still not good for your lungs. While it’s still debated, it’s generally accepted that smoking marijuana does NOT give you lung cancer, it definitely is harmful for your lungs. The relationship between cannabis and mental disorders such as schizophrenia and any effects on memory or intelligence.

Still, I honestly see absolutely no reason why this is still illegal. It’s helped people with medical problems, it’s less harmful then plenty of legal drugs, and it hadn’t been illegal anywhere until the U.S. decided to get rid of it in the 1900′s.

What do you guys think?

Posted in Cultural Events | 20 Comments »

 
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